  i usually dont talk about my darker self on blog, but i think i've reached my limit. have i told you that i'm into witchcraft or in more shady terms; occult? i guess i haven't. this addiction of mine is not something i would proudly brag here and there, considering that i reside in a society where such abomination is taboo not to mention implicitly prohibited. occultism caught my attention since i first exposed to the internet. safely say, 10 years ago. but the interest starting to develop deeper at my senior high school era. depression triggered my darker self to manifest in the form of a sinful stress-reliever which guided me to the depth of underworld. but don't worry, as i am not yet awaken my full potential. all i did back then was studying. studying the occultism, the witchraft, did a couple harmless practices but no effect whatsoever. i started to realize that i might have some potential (every human does, it's just a matter of who awoken them faster and easier than anybody else) when i entered college. lucid dream, out of body experience, intuition, etc. not that i haven't sensed any of these during high school but the signs are more subtle now. but me being selfish, being a person who want to reach perfection by thy self, never once, thinking about using 3rd party service to activate all my... let's say; potential. i believe that the higher self awareness, the highest self revival would be best acquired by the process everyone called learning. instant result always have diabolical impact if you know what i meant. well... here i am, confessing minor part of my darkest secret to you all. you probably can learn something. probably.  Labels: college, occult, random, rants   so this post might or might not be a shocker to some of you. if i remembered correctly, I've never posted anything about this in my previous entries. in my old blogs maybe, but not here. if i remembered correctly. you know, things correspondent to each other; like chains. one problem leads to another. you guys read my previous post about college depression right? well then you are on track. because this very matter is linked to it. so my depression dont just happen in college. trust me, i've been on the same spot before. i wont waste your time by storytelling my old tale but keep in mind: i am not your average girl next door. i have my own unique traits that some people find it annoying and maybe, amazing. my elementary and high school era wasn't as easy as most of you guys. consider yourself lucky. thus with frequent depression, i began to seek for alternative method of stress-reliever. one of them happened to be music. in dark genre. i jammed to gothic, metal, and other similar genres trying to merge and ensure myself that i was not alone; i was not the only one suffering from whatever was happening at that time. then come Marilyn Manson, straight from the depth of hell, offering me sweet promises in exchange of my faith to God. and so my dark age began i disconnect myself from God, from world, not to mention social interaction (not really antisocial but i avoided getting on too much with people). my behavior was rude, and people hated me. my whole mess never managed to get better at school, but once i arrived home and turned the tape on, i felt like i was no longer in this world. only me and devoted admiration to manson mattered. if you asked: what about now? well, like what i've hinted on the beginning of this post, i somehow going back to the dark phase. Marilyn Manson music amuse me once again. with a core difference: God still with me. Labels: college, marilyn manson, random, rants   looking at the title you must be thinking that i'm going to do some tragic motivational preach. oh hell no. in fact, what i'm going to tell you is probably in contrast of what you would call motivational. hell breaks loose, my misery grows. i rarely post about my college life, am i not? too lazy to stroll back my old archives, but i am confident enough to be perfectly sure that this would be the first ever emotional confession about my college life. so.. are you ready? this wont be pretty and you have been warned. since i've been keeping this story since God knows when, let's arrange the events in time-based manner, shall we?
but in the end, quitting is not an easy cake like flipping your hand. i should consider my future, if i have no degree. third world country + no degree = doomed. my family also one that holding me back from quitting. i dont wanna disappoint them after they paid my tuition and all. especially my parents are getting old while my sister and brother still enroll in school. they need monetary support too. if only, someone give me chance to study abroad. just like my eternal dream. if only. TO BE CONTINUED Labels: college, random, rants   poodles, sorry for the delays. its been like.. a month (?) i caught in a writer's block and too lazy to blog about my recent activities. so yes yes, darla. i can read your mind; my vacation, right? well the trip went well if i could just scratch the "X" factor. euh! dont even try to make me remember. i go here and there, around the city. visiting places, buying stuffs. yeah, i mean.. what else? for the pics? please excuse my old alibi: laziness!!! LOL at least i'd give you the link to the album (uploaded on FB, yeah right). http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2100817&id=1256236094&l=a6833dbf5d so bitches, browse around. err.. what else? oh, internship (recent issue, but dayum! i really forgot what was come up after the vacation -_-). currently planning to do intern at NCB Interpol Jakarta, now preparing for the proposals n cv. asked a friend and he agreed to come with me. yay. alone is devastating dontcha agree? OH, what more is that the recent break-ups. aw! dont let me tell you more, doodles ;) and now im fancying korean boybands. Super Junior & 2PM ♥ wait wait.. satellite tv at home!!!!!! hahahah yeah a major progress, im effin sick of local programs. hmm.. anotherrrrr.. I READ TAROT. yeaaa for real, girlsss. already did to 5 fellas and all accurate. you wanna? lemme know. spiritual awakening? nah, just killing time ;) chill n chill baybeez! xo Labels: college, random, vacation   world cup and fever, not world cup fever. cuz my typhoid fever been up again (based on the lab's result) since 2 days ago. sucks. well i think i've already stated in my previous post (dunno which one, though. go browse, cuz i forgot) that i won't post anything mellow love-related thingy since i'm free now. promise is a promise. not much happens to my love life recently anyway. so, lets begin with the world cup. i'm a HUGE fan of GERMANY since.. er.. lets see.. korea-japan world cup, i think. actually, i was supporting brazil before then, but switched. maybe Michael Ballack was the major influence on my transforming at that time. so, bye bye brazil, way to go for the champion GERMANY!!!! too bad Ballack couldn't play because of the injury, but that's OK. the current squad formation is not bad. they did pretty good at the first match with australia. 4-0!! but unfortunately in their 2nd match they lose against serbia. daaamn! i still have faith in GERMANY though. i can smell their victory. really. now lets rendezvous a bit about my social life; i love to support my besties. i love giving advice to them. well.. to let me involve in their problems somehow makes me happy. at least i know that i am needed. so.. one of my best buddy does have a problem recently. and i think it sucks up his life to the point that he actually finds it hard to move on. well, buddy, if you happen to read this post, i'm telling you this:
that's that. a bit advice for my buddy. now with the annoying problem of mine. TYPHOID FEVER. again. well, i've been feeling weird since 5 days ago maybe. sudden freezing feeling at night, hurting a bit in several body parts. but no fatigue, no actual fever. well, in day three, i decided to take a blood test, resulting this boredom fact that i gotta stay home, bedresting for several days till i got better. it scares me you know, that somehow once every month the typhoid fever raise and attack. the idea that i (maybe, but hopefully not) gonna die someday because of this, successfully eat my guts. oh, and my hair keeps falling for unknown reason. BTW daddy brought back a new mouse yesterday. its HP. hahah branded stuff is more trustable, no? uh oh, the happy recaps!
the bad one?? err... typhoid fever thing, i lost my glasses (damn, if my dad found out i'd be doomed for sure), unable to attend classes (well, duh, its because im still sick), and what else? more to add soon probably LOL. alright guys, that's it for now. see you guys again. stay healthy! xo Labels: college, gadgets, health, world cup  mood goes up, mood goes down. my mood swing is hell to control, even prediction won't be as easy as it sounds. some up and down events happened recently did affect my mood. need a recap? UPS:
DOWNS:
but for now, i'm happy to say that the UPS defeated the DOWNS, creating a rather happy atmosphere, although sometimes sparkles of angst are still sparkling. xo  maybe may was a may-day to me. a lot of unfortunate events happened. but i've made it all through, safe and sound! :D promise, you won't see me posting cheesy love stories and personal mellow rants anymore! are you happy? well, you have to! :D why oh why, you asked. well, its because i finally:
yup yup, pretty simple for you perhaps :D oh oh, anyway, i recently spend my days (besides attending summer class) playing NDS :D its fun! downloaded tons off good fun addictive games to keep me distracted from the boring class. and another good news: i just got the order sheet from inibuku.com, an online bookstore. said that i gotta transfer the cash then the items will be shipped afterwards :) ohh cant wait to read 'em all! BTW, since im not hitting on that guy anymore, im gonna support him as a best friend, through thick and thin :D no more "forbidden" feelings! LOL okaaaaaaayyyyyy... i think that's enough for now, sprinkle ya later!! ♥ xo Labels: college, feeling, gadgets, love, random  hahaha i know i've been such an angst lil' whore recently. mellow emo post about love and feelings. duh. well good news, for those who have been suffering, trying all their efforts holding the urge to puke; the initial R finally come back. aha. the other one? the forbidden crush? er.. i dont really care about him anymore, cross my heart for that. and oh yeah, i currently reading Vampire Knight manga scan. summary: Cross Academy is attended by two groups of students: the Day Class and the Night Class. At twilight, when the students of the Day Class return to their dorm, they cross paths with the Night Class on their way to school. Yuki Cross and Zero Kiryu are the Guardians of the school, there to protect the Day Class from the Academy's dark secret: the Night Class is full of vampires. (http://www.onemanga.com/Vampire_Knight/) its damn well good; both the graphic and the plot. you guys should check it out at http://www.onemanga.com/Vampire_Knight/ i ain't kidding here, folks ♥ but if you were guy, maybe it would bore you, since the main characters includes uber beautiful jaw dropping unbelievably cool male vampires. and they're targeting female readers, so yeah.. anyway, what you guys do this summer? i haven't prepared any plan yet. but im thinking Jogja, or Bali, or somewhere. oversea? oh i hope so. tomorrow would be my first day of summer class, hope i could do well during these exhausting oh so boring period. pray for me!! anyway, i must continue reading the addictive Vampire Knight..! oh kaname-sama.. bite me~! xo Labels: college, feeling, love, random  lets do a toast, cherrypie ♥ no more paper, essay, test, and blah blah whatever. can you smell the freedom? FINAL TEST FINALLY OVER!! still, i gotta apply for the summer class. but no biggie, i could still plan a vacation or two. oh prince, take me with you ♥ xo  hell yeah!! just one day left!! i'm not feeling well today, its because i've been sleeping so late since the 1st day of final exam. soon after i've done the victimology couple hours ago, i went straight home. but no worries :) i don't have to stay up late again tonight :) no more burdening papers or essays, YEAAAH!!!!!!! but really, i hope i'm okay, i mean typhoid fever is the thing i least expected :( i gotta think of a plan to spend my short holiday since i'm must apply for the short term. err.. if you're not familiar, its like summer class. so i have to attend class whereas other on vacation. i'm thinking about jogja, or another cities. oh yeah, already re-cleared the probs with him last night, and as usual he didn't even pay any shit. seriously. so i think its really done now. but who cares with him anyway? just like what toybox's said, "it tickles in my tummy, he's so yummy yummy ♥" if you know what i mean - LOL alright folks, gotta rest a bit, maybe short nap will do. catch you later pretty soon! xo Labels: college, feeling, health, love  guess what. I'VE DONE MY CRIME RISK ANALYSIS!! omg im feeling bliss!! it turned out easier than i thought. thanks to my beloved BFs. ♥ i was thinking about crime spatial mapping and such but after i received my BFs e-mails i'm like; "gosh! that's it? hell yeah i can do this!" MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god im beyond satisfied!! ♥ now what;s on queue? victimology. okay, i'll do the shit tomorrow after submitting this one. YEAY! gratitude goes to my partner-in-crime slash besties slash uberkewl boyfriends; these two guys are awesome! ♥ xo  YEAAAYYYY!! finally got the data needed for my crime risk analysis paper ♥ thanks to my beloved boy friends, owe you guys oneeeee!! *hugs* *hugs* :D i dunno what i'd do w/o their uber magnificent help :') i mean i supposed to be going today but cancelled, and my bfs suddenly wanna do the field research and then i asked whether they wanna share what they got, and they did!! HUUGEEEEEEEEE!! really they're the best. love you guys xoxo ♥   term paper on queue:
the first one is rather hard. deadline is wednesday but it requires criminal data from the place you pick. the problem is, its not that easy getting data from the requered place. well, i dont know what's gonna happen with mine, im waiting for an angel to give me the data i need. already did a google search but come up zero. oh. another good news; he didnt even apologize or something or trying to show me that he care. means he is never ever worth. okay, wish me a good luck for the final term. xo Labels: college, feeling, love   okay, let me list what's been burdening me:
final term is happening NOW. and the points listed above will definitely make my efforts to survive become more and more hardcore, if you know what i mean. i need more praying sessions. it can calms me i know, but damn i'm such a lazyass. but glad to know that anxiety disorder is not that dangerous, but since im so psychosomatic, it can affects my health too. oh god. i need a calm-downs. Labels: college, feeling, health, love  next week is the final exam, and too good to be true, the lecturer already gave tons of take home test which must me handed at the final test day as you all know; next week. sucks? duh. and im like entering the stressful phase and depression. i hate deadlines. what make everything seems so fucked up is the fact that im not in a good condition, i think. i don't feel good. well yeah, i rarely feel well to be exact. remind me to do a general checkup. i dont know since when i'm starting to become so weak, got sick easily, and rapidly attacked by typhoid fever. its kinda scary you know? i hope i can live longer. BTW, i gotta ask for crime preventing system's assignment, i must finish this today because the lecturer demand it by tomorrow. and i lost the instruction. damn. hope i can go though this hectic pile of mass assignment safely and successfully. amen. Labels: college, health, rants  YEE-HA! since i've done it yesterday, now the remaining burden can be shortened. actually i gotta hand it to my lecturer TODAY at 11.00 AM so i must depart from home at 9.00 AM sharp. i'm quite satisfied of the result, but i know i didn't give it all out and i can do better than that. but however.. YEAYY!! THE MAJOR BURDEN IS GONE NOW!! at least for this week, since next week is the final exam, it will be hectic. oh btw i havent talked to him since yesterday. where the hell has he been? newsssssss!! i bought a new axis sim card yesterday, expecting to have a good reasonable price for my BIS plan, but apparently the signal is so sucks and it gets me very frustrated until now. i think im gonna drain the remaining credits then switch back to indosat x( anyway, have a nice day guys, please pray for my grandma ok? she's still in the hospital. at the ICU, to be more detail. hope she'll get better soon :'( xo   i should have been doing the fuckin' assignment right now. but apparently i cant stop online and browsing the net, looking for i dunno what and who cares anyway. well yeah, recently, i love posting pictures. hahahaha, sorry if it annoys you :p looks like im gonna sign up for the gym thing.. uh im not really sure. maybe. BTW cant wait for that day. LOOOOOVEEEEE ♥ Labels: college, random, slacking  you know, i just happened to wandering through my files, and found the related pdfs and ppts for my current assignment! YEAY!! at first i thought that i would have to search at google book to back up the theory. it kinda annoying because it cant be selected and copied like most pdfs. so usually i translate what i need trough a piece of paper, then type the edited result back and finally merge it with the whole document. tiring huh? i thought so. then it happened. a sudden memory burst. i quickly searched my bag for flashdisk, plugged it into the PC, and wwwwosssh! all i need is there! so i think i could finish it tonight and wouldn't be worrying too much tomorrow :) ah, another miracle from God! ♥  HELL-O!! after whining and ranting sooo much at the previous posts.. i think im gonna do the crime risk analysis's paper. the deadline is tomorrow so i gotta finish this quick. already got the data needed from my buddy. now im gonna search the theory via my fave and beloved source for college needs: google book search! can't download the required PDFs from Jstor, the access is limited. scribd helps sometimes, but my major bible is still google book! nyahhahaha! oh, i cant live w/o google, really. btw maybe i should prepare a hot beverage to accompany me doing the assignment. and maybe something chewable. OK then, lets do the shit. Labels: college |
  attention please
Best viewed in Google Chrome. This blog only show 4 post at default, so please browse through the archives for my older entries. The content on my page are to be remain untouched/copy pasted. Do not plagiarized or use any images from this page without my authorized permit. If i see anyone stealing my shit I'll fucking rip their pubes out, virtually. If you'd like a link exchange, just ask. I basically link everyone that asks me. To contact for link exchange add my ym: hestchi.camui@yahoo.com, Or you can tag or comment my most recent blog entry. Thank You.
greetings from mars
 Indonesian, 22, Hesti , Student, University of Indonesia, Criminology, Transnational Crime, Struggling this hellhole for reasons unidentified. General: super sensitive, over emotional, clumsy, careless, procrastinator, fragile, over excited. fashion lover and swag the way she likes. conspiracy, religion and gadget maniac. already survived merciless university drama. calendar
tagboard
|
Find me at:
