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when quitting is the hardest thing to do Monday, November 14, 2011 @ 9:07 PM
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looking at the title you must be thinking that i'm going to do some tragic motivational preach.
oh hell no.
in fact, what i'm going to tell you is probably in contrast of what you would call motivational.
hell breaks loose, my misery grows.
i rarely post about my college life, am i not? too lazy to stroll back my old archives, but i am confident enough to be perfectly sure that this would be the first ever emotional confession about my college life.
so.. are you ready?
this wont be pretty and you have been warned.
since i've been keeping this story since God knows when, let's arrange the events in time-based manner, shall we?
3rd year of senior high school, right after graduation. i thought i could get to the college i really want, with major i've been dreaming of: design. turned out, even after months of illustration short-course i took, i couldn't pass the ITB entrance exams. then i had my time of depression, lost, not knowing what to do, until i decided to enroll at another course, but this time was academic one, and try my luck at the best university in the country: UI. unbeknownst to me, this was the very first phase towards my ultimate destruction. in deciding which major i should take at that time, i didnt feel very excited. i just took whatever possible, whichever programs that could match my score, that would guarantee my acceptance based on the simulation tests. well maybe God heard me and my family's prayer, i got accepted. everyone was happy at that moment, unaware of the crack that started to arouse slowly.
1st year in college. this was the worst phase (if not one of the worst) in my college life. i started to notice that even though i had some curiosity towards this major, i just couldn't enjoy all tiny bits of it. the tiresome orientation aka initiation (which i didnt participate in the end because it was too troublesome), unwelcome seniors, boring subjects, killer teachers, time-consuming assignments, and so on. though i feel grateful that even though we had some embarrassing drama, my collegian were supportive to each other. but still, i skipped a lot, i failed subjects, my GPA sucked, and another phase of depression grown. i got sick often, my psychosomatic was all around me at that time.
2nd year in college. nothing changed. still skipping classes, rebelling the norms, getting my way up to the darkside by blaming God, and destroying my own body with constant stress, turning my psychosomatic disorder disease re-appeared every now and then. i felt like an outcast back then. the outsider. i barely caught up with the recent news, not so many friends. consider myself as a tragic loser, now you got the image.
3rd year in college. things were getting better, though i still skipped here and there, and failing classes. at least i was able to keep the deviation level to minimum. if i said some cheesy things happened this year which helped me to survive, would you believe it? i'm not gonna explain it further but love is in the air. but in general, although this year was the peak of productivity, i still sucked.
4th year to present. getting worse. 1st and 2nd year of pain accumulated. maybe i'll explain more on the next post. but i feel as if i'm already on the verge of breaking down. if i could get a job i most probably would quit since i can no longer handle the pressure.
but in the end, quitting is not an easy cake like flipping your hand.
i should consider my future, if i have no degree. third world country + no degree = doomed.
my family also one that holding me back from quitting. i dont wanna disappoint them after they paid my tuition and all.
especially my parents are getting old while my sister and brother still enroll in school. they need monetary support too.
if only, someone give me chance to study abroad. just like my eternal dream. if only.
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Indonesian, 22, Hesti , Student, University of Indonesia, Criminology, Transnational Crime, Struggling this hellhole for reasons unidentified.
General:
super sensitive, over emotional, clumsy, careless, procrastinator, fragile, over excited. fashion lover and swag the way she likes. conspiracy, religion and gadget maniac. already survived merciless university drama.
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